Christi Polivka

I was not raised in church, but as a little girl I remember thinking about God a lot. I thought, "God is mad" but I did not know what to do about it and the thought of it scared me so I would work very hard to stop thinking about it. I did not have anyone to talk to about this; in fact, it seemed to me that we couldn't even speak the word "God" in our home. Our family moved my sophomore year of high school and the friends that I made all went to church! This was so different then what I had known.

My sister and I started attending the Baptist church at age 16. The two of us were doted on by the adults there and we were actually treated like something special because we were there without our parents. We ate it up! I remember finding out in this first church experience that "God loved me just the way I was" and "God doesn't get mad and guilt doesn't come from God" and the thoughts I had thought since I could remember about God being angry with me just seemed to fade away! I was baptized right away, as that is the only thing I could figure out that I had to do to be "once saved always saved".

In later years, I would church shop, jumping around looking for something that I couldn't even put in words. I could look out over the congregation of any church and think "They get something that I don't get." I would leave almost every Sunday service with the thought "Maybe this week Jesus will come into my heart." I felt like I needed someone to tell me what to do but I also knew that if I asked the question, "What is wrong with me?" I would most likely be told, "You're fine." I would read my bible every once in awhile and after 3 chapters, I would close it up and say, "God, I hope that is what you wanted because I seriously don't understand anything I just read." I would read a verse like "cut off your hand if it causes you to sin" and wonder why this didn't apply to me and hope that I would hear this scripture addressed from the pulpit soon, but it never was. Or I would read where Jesus was telling the people to "remain in me." Well, I wanted someone to tell me how to "remain" in Christ. I waited and waited and went to many different churches but never got any explanations that satisfied me. I did think I was a hopeless case and losing my mind!

After moving to the Nashville area, I sunk even deeper into self and gained another 25 pounds on my already overweight body. I was heavy into self-pity and depressed and very lonely. I even stopped going out of the house unless I absolutely had to because clothes were so uncomfortable and I was just miserable! I had blamed everyone around me for my problems for so long that I could go no longer get any satisfaction from that anymore! I would go to bed every night sick to death of myself and calling out to God saying, "I just wasted another day, God, and I know you didn't give me this day to just eat and sleep it away! Please help me!" God brought Weigh Down back to my mind. I had read the Weigh Down Diet book and even attended an Exodus Out of Egypt class while still living in Dallas. I had believed this was the truth about food from the beginning and instantly I was totally freed up from ever even considering dieting again, but I struggled to put it all together.

I called the office and got set up to coordinate a class and was invited to hear Gwen speak in person! Well, I was giddy and could hardly contain myself! At the event, my first sight of Gwen was eating a donut! I thought, "Sweet! Saying it and doing it!!" Anyway, I was getting more and more excited about losing the weight as I sat and listened to testimony after testimony of people that had lost weight eating what they liked! Wow! As the testimonies came to an end and Gwen got situated to speak, the first words out of her mouth were, "I want to tell you all that God is mad!" Oh my gosh! I felt like I had just been stabbed straight through the heart! My childhood thoughts came right back up and I knew she was speaking the truth!!! I was scared to death to leave there that day and scared to death to stay! I have never felt anything like that and I knew at that point that everything in my life was wrong! I cried out to God because after that morning I did have a sense that what I had listened to all those years in all the churches I had attended was not right and I was not going to heaven! I started coordinating my class soon after that and I desperately clung to these videos and started reading the Rise Above book. I was so hungry for this but I knew I was missing something because I could only lose 15 pounds!

God had such mercy and allowed for me to find out about Remnant Fellowship a few months later. That was the missing key for me! Being around a group of people who were living for God everyday and in everything, sharpened me and allowed me to put actions with the words! It was amazing! God so blessed my weight loss! He took the weight quickly as I obeyed Him with the amount of food He wanted me to eat! I had not known how taken over by food my life was! I was freed up from the turmoil in my mind and the constant preoccupation with food!  As I put the greed for food down, God brought up other areas in my heart that He wanted me to change. Early on He showed me I was sleeping way too much. Before, I would get up in the morning to get the kids off to school then go back to bed until 10:30 or 11:00, get up to get something to eat and need a nap by 3:00 in the afternoon. I was tested hard with this for 2 days. I got this overwhelming urge to take a nap in the afternoon so I literally walked around the house forcing myself to stay upright and on my feet and opening my eyes really wide. It seemed like this took all afternoon-I wasn't on the ball enough to time it but I'm sure it did not last as long as I thought.

Another area that I needed to change was my relationship with my husband. I had blamed my husband for my unhappiness for so long that learning to submit to him in a way that would please God took everything I had! I watched the lives of the women in this message who were doing it right and copied what they were doing. I basically did the opposite of everything I had been doing and God blessed it so much! My marriage is so sweet now. Where once my husband and I lived in the same house as roommates who didn't like each other very much, now we have come back together and through the leading of God I have been able to give my husband his rightful place as the head of the house. I have learned to honor my parents through this teaching and God has restored those relationships also. I gave up over-spending and greed for things and am now so thankful and grateful with or without. One night after hearing Gwen's personal account of giving up her home, I came home and prayed for God to take our house if He wanted it and the cars we had if He wanted those.

I just had so much love in my heart for God and it was so exciting entrusting everything to Him that I wanted Him to know I was not the same greedy person I had been! I turned everything over to Him and a few weeks later my husband decided to get rid of the car I was driving. Well, I loved that car--it was big and very nice inside but I knew this was a test! As we looked around the used car lot, I prayed, "God whatever you want me to drive is fine with me--I will not have a better idea when Dan decides what to get!" It was so fun! We got rid of that car and I ended up with one about half the size and not near as nice on the inside but God blessed us financially so much after that! We were living basically pay check to pay check but after that it seemed like we had so much money! And my husband would come back and say over and over, "Getting rid of that car was the best thing we ever did!" The stories go on and on--how could anyone not want this??? I have a new perspective on everything! My thoughts are not the same! My reactions have changed! I have given up my feelings and opinions! I praise God for this patient, loving, totally selfless messenger, this message, and this Leadership who care about my salvation!